The world's largest virtual coffee klatsch

I'm doing it wrong--looking for a new job that is.

Apparently, the new ways to gain employment these days are to fiddle-fuck around on social media, mainly Twitter, and to have your own website. Twitter is the new networking group, the new gathering place for those who are unemployed. It works well on that level because you don't have to spend time and money getting all dolled-up only to sit at a bar drinking the house Chianti and chatting with some guy who knows a guy who's developing a 'neighborhoods with the most dog poop' app. Instead, it's possible to get an "in" with a prospective employer by hanging out on Twitter and retweeting their posts or just by stalking them in general. It's not a guarantee you'll get a job, mind you, but Twitter is a great way to bypass all of the usual bullshit that's associated with job hunting--mainly clueless HR departments. Even I have made some great business contacts on Twitter, but it wasn't done in a haphazard manner.

Now, I love Twitter. I see it as writing my own personal headline--in 140 characters or less. Also, it's the world's largest virtual coffee klatsch, if you will. It's fun to see what my followers are up to--well, some at least. There don't seem to be any rules and my fellow Tweeps just love to let it allll hang out--something I've been known to do from time to time. Twitter has shown to be a valuable news source during trying times--I didn't take my eyes off my Twitter feed during the Iranian uprising, healthcare reform, the mid-term elections, the assassination attempt of Gabby Giffords and, of course, Egypt. Twitter shows us the ugly side of humanity as well as the good. It is, in short, a wonderful tool.

But, I've heard of at least a half-dozen situations where someone has gotten a job by the act of virtual ass-kissing on Twitter. Retweeting a celebrity's bon mots is the most obvious form of the virtual and transparent suck-up. Or following a celeb and bugging them so much they follow you back just to get you to just shut yer yapper. What I have witnessed in my chosen field are those who have landed jobs with little or no experience but are deft at the social media game. And when you lack the actual skills of the job you're after, Twitter is a most valuable tool--you can reach millions with your observations and appropriately worded tweets guiding your fellow Tweeps back to your blog or website. This frightens me because there are those of out there who, while we like and rely on social media a great deal, believe that Twitter should not be the deciding factor on who is worthy of employment and who isn't. To be fair, however, I've never been good at self-promotion and while it may have hurt me professionally at times, I know full well that the jobs I've had in the past I landed because of my professional skills. Not via a self-important and in dire-need-of-an-editor blog or website. My hopes are, that once Twitter is seen as one of the many job/attention-gettin' tools, those who are worthy of recognition will get it through other avenues, not just through social media.

Which leads me to personal websites. A friend told me that I might need one in order to land a job because I'm losing jobs to folks who have websites. Sounds like a great idea, then I took a gander at a few of these personal websites and let's just say that having a damn fine gag reflex is a wonderful thing.

I'm losing jobs to these folks? Seriously? Yes I am, so now I need to get my head out of my ass and make up some sort of website for all of the world to see, heap praise on me (the critics will be silenced on my site thankyouverymuch) and hang on my every word. I have to get used to folks posting phrases like the dreaded and lazy "LOL!" and "OMG!" and "FTW!" Oh, uh ... there's that gag reflex again. Damn, it's starting to weaken. Time to deaden it with copious amounts of alcohol and constant reassurances of how amazingly brilliant I am from my fans in Iceland and Tasmania.

A website dedicated to how awesome the author is, well, it's a scosch much.