Havin' Fun With No Money

Bikram is the only thing that makes sense in my life at the moment. It's what's saving me from jumping off the Sears Tower or putting on my lead bathing suit and going for a dip in the Chicago River. Everything else is completely out of control--no job, no prospects and no money. I'm on the wrong side of 40 and have nothing to show for it and that's just wrong. It seems that the harder I try to make things better in my life, the worse things get. This is not true with my Bikram practice. Seems that the harder I try, the better at it I get.

Case in point. I rock at this pose. You're probably thinking to yourself, "What the shit, Julia! That doesn't look tough at all! I can do that in my beer-induced sleep!" OK. G'head. Try it, not once, but four times without bending your legs, straightening your elbows or tipping your hips to one side. Then, after you catch your breath, we'll talk and I'll watch you dine on some crow.

Also, I've noticed some significant changes in my body. I look longer. I can't explain it--I just do. And leaner. During one of my nanosecond glances in the mirror today, I noticed these changes and was caught off-guard. Odd. I've also altered my diet quite a bit so the whole 'looking leaner' part ain't a huge surprise I guess. Actually, it's the stress I'm under that has helped to alter my diet--I don't want to eat because I'm not hungry and honestly, I can't quite afford it. So, I'm only eating about one and a half times a day. However, I am drinking copious amounts of coffee and water so that helps me feel full.

Another benefit, and I've mentioned this many a-time before, is how incredible my skin looks. See, I've been blessed with good skin. All of the women in my family have beautiful skin. Guess it's safe to say we're natural beauties. Bikram just makes it look that much better. I don't go out on the town that often but when I do, I don't need a lot of makeup. Just some mascara, a little eyeliner and some great, reddish lipstick on my pout.

Nice to know those Scottish/Northern Brit Isles genes are doing their fucking job. Lord knows my emotional being ain't doing shit for me.

Side note: My favorite Bikram yogini, Lauren, still hasn't given birth. However, she has 'dropped' since the last time I saw her. So, I'm hoping I won't see her in class tomorrow, and I mean that in the nicest possible way. This is for you, new mom!

Breathe & Try Like Hell to Release

First, before I get into today's shenanigans, I gotta give props to my fellow Bikram yogini, Lauren. She's been pregnant for nine months & some change, and she showed up at class today. She looks amazing and did all of the poses--even the ones adjusted for pregnant women--with no problem. The above pix is from a few days ago, but who cares! Go Lauren & bebeh!

Now, onto Julia's Bikram World. Meh. It stopped spinning today. In fact, it's hurtling through space and will hopefully be caught up in one of them thar black holes the Jesus freaks say don't exist. My concentration was in the shitter due to the current unpleasantness I'm experiencing. I tried to let it all go in the studio, but I couldn't. Chilling out in Savasana didn't help either. (My goodness--that photo looks like it's of a cult that's just downed some poison & is waiting for the Mother Ship to take them home.)

With each deep breath, my anxiety grew and eventually, my stomach began to ache. This is not the physical condition one wants to be in when doing any type of exercise, but I pushed through. What else was I gonna do? Melt into a puddle onto the floor? Oh HELL no. What's the point of giving up when you're already in the room? Might as well just go with the flow! This mindset worked--sort of.

By this pose, I resembled someone who's pregnant with twins because of the stomach pains. I didn't touch my water because that would only make it worse, so I relied on that patience I'm known for, and breathed my way through the pain.

All was quiet in the dome during this one. The pain had subsided considerably and I was able to finish my practice without wincing. However, my mind was still reeling over the mess that is my life.

Somethings can't be helped.

A side note: Today in 1958, Frank Zappa graduated from high school. This is for his fans. And for the woman in class today who had a fucking RAGING case of athlete's foot. Next time honey, please stay the fuck home.

Kickin' It Up a Notch

I figured out what's missing from my Bikram yoga practice: Running. Yep, running. I'm not getting into shape as quickly as I would like by just doing Bikram so it's time to amp things up. Starting tomorrow morning, I'll start crawling/loping/jogging/running again. My feet feel healthy as does my back so I'm ready.

I've been a sorta-runner on and off for years now, and I do enjoy it very much. It's difficult, frustrating and tiring--just like yoga. However, it gets the heart beating quicker and is better for "leaning one down" than any other exercise out there. Plus, I dig the idea of beating my body up by jogging and then going to yoga to stretch everything out again. The plan is to do Bikram everyday, and crawl/lope/jog/run about 3-5 times a week.

Start slow--that's the plan. My eating will have to change once again, but that's fine. I don't fear change at all--just clowns, carnies, lentils, tofu and Chico's. Perhaps I'll see our disgraced former governor jogging too, but he's a little busy these days, see. He lives in my 'hood and I've had the pleasure of witnessing him pickin' 'em up and puttin' 'em down a few times down my street. He looked very uncomfortable but his hair didn't--even in the light breeze. I was mesmerized. Still am at times too--when I need to calm the screaming in my soul, I think of Blago's hair--the stillness of it. The peace.

Reminds me of how I find stillness and peace in my yoga practice.

But for some odd reason, all of this Blago talk reminded me of this great tune.

Uniboobage Meets the Wardrobe Malfunction

What a suck shit of a day.

First, I let some insensitive, shallow dolts on the Internets get to me, which made me angry. That anger wasn't gone by the time I got to yoga. I kept thinking about how so much of this society is about flash over substance, and how damaging that attitude is toward everyone--even to the ones who are considered flashy and stylish--but they're too fucking clueless to get it. Those of us who are all about substance above everything else, suffer too. But, we get it, that's the difference. We just shake our heads, hopefully learn a lesson and keep the insensitive ones at a football field's length and occasionally acknowledge them with a monotone hello or "S'up" head nod. That's it--but that's tough to do too. Especially for me since I try to look for the good in everyone. Sadly, many I come across lack even the basic, common decency needed to make them functioning members of society--yet they skate along through life, virtually unscathed. I watch in wonder, shake my head and roll my eyes. Sigh. Move along, nothing to see here anymore.

Class was crowded today, which helped me to relax. The pregnant gal was back again too--putting everyone else to shame by holding her poses like a pro and barely breaking a sweat. She's awesome and looks amazing for being 4 months along. It'll be fun to watch her yoga practice & pregnancy evolve together.

I was "posing" along swimmingly until Standing Bow. Then, it happened. My bra came apart at the strap and there was boobage spillage. I was biting my lip so hard to keep from busting out laughing that I held this pose longer even though my boob was creeping up toward my neck. Turns out that laughter is a nice complement to one's yoga practice. In fact, it's downright obsequious. I didn't get a chance to fix my wardrobe malfunction until after Balancing Stick. Yeah, that was a fun one too--boobage swaying in the wind whilst balancing on one leg & my body lookin' like the letter T. I covered up my giggles with coughs. I sat for one set of this pose and did a Rube Goldberg-esque fix of my jumblies-holder. The first time around, it held for about 3 poses, then I had to result to tying the busticated part to the other strap to keep my boobage from grazing my waist. By this time, we were onto the floor poses so having a busted bra wasn't as big an issue. What's nice about Bikram is no one really pays attention to anyone else--except me. I try to take a glance at those around me during class just to see how they're doing.

Long story short, I survived class. So did my bra. But, I do believe it's time to shell out the big bucks to get a new one. Until then, this one's for you. 

Every breath I take ... I'll be bending better ...

Who knew that breathing would be such a pain in the ass--especially when I'm bending backwards with ass and legs locked up tighter than a nun's poohole, and hips thrust forward like I'm trying to get some Biff Loman type to stuff dollar bills into my g-string at a strip club just outside of Omaha. (Now, there's an image for you.)

The last two classes were all about breathing and listening for me. Not just listening to my body, but really focusing on what the instructor had to say. I've got the whole keep-your-standing-leg-locked-abs-tight-butt-squeezed parts down pat, but the breathing at times really has me flummoxed. It's strange that something as natural and simple as breathing would be a challenge, but it is in Bikram yoga. I think it's safe to assume that breathing is tough for every Bikram practitioner from time to time.

During this pose, I paid attention to my breathing more than bending & looking for the floor behind me (yeah right--like that's gonna happen any time soon). Same here. I don't even want to discuss this pose since it's hard to breathe when your mouf is smashed into your stinky, wet mat. Ouch, and get me an oxygen tank then a Marty's martini macht schnell. What was so great about breathing was the poses got easier and I was able to push myself a little harder and deeper (shut UP) into each pose. That's a huge accomplishment for someone who's lower-back has been giving me fits in the last few years. Now I'm pain-free.

Now, if I could see similar accomplishments in my professional life. 

AHHHH! That's what I'm talkin' about!

I feel alive again. So alive in fact, I gotta post this "cheasy" listening tune for your enjoyment. (Side note: How can you NOT love this movie? It's one of Joel Silver's finest producing efforts EVER.)

Back to the hot room. I immediately felt better the moment when I entered the studio and saw my fave teacher, Beth, at the front desk checking everyone in. She's good people. When I moseyed into the hot room, I decided to put my mat in the middle where it is a bit cooler than my usual spot in the back. I tested it today--back of the room is definitely the hottest--even though the owner/teachers claim it's not. My system is quite sensitive to temp change, so I respectfully disagree with them.

The opening breathing exercise showed how rusty I was, however, I wasn't as rusty as originally thought. I  felt much better by about the fifth breath and continued to improve with each pose. So much so I pushed myself more than usual and wasn't in agony like I was during Monday's class. My shoulder pain has disappeared for the time being too--another good sign that I'm doing something right in my life.

Triangle pose wasn't a killer either--it usually leaves my left knee giving me the finger and buckling so I fall on my ass. The thing is, I have extremely strong thighs from years of cycling. I wouldn't be surprised if I could crack walnuts with 'em--that's how powerful they are. Having this freakish amount of thigh strength, makes it easier to get into this pose, this too, let's add this too ... and finally, this one. I do believe that once I drop more weight, all poses will get easier.

Now, on with my day, but not after one more ELO/Xanadu overture with Gene Kelly and his fancy feets.

Achy Breaky Ass

It's been a few days since I've done any yoga. Since I'm not working, the need to take any kind of freelance gig that comes my way takes precedence over any self-improvement/hobbies I'm dabbling in. Plus, this particular gig I wanted to do because I like the people there, it's fun and could possibly lead to future gigs. 

During my brief stint on the copy desk, Bikram was missed. I could feel the "goodness" leaving my body at a rapid pace. The familiar, old aches and pains are slowly creeping back -- especially in my right shoulder, which is "paining" quite a bit. It's irritating me and causing great discomfort. My only remedy (well, not my only--Western med is always an option but I want to try something different) is to get back to Bikram ASAP. So, tomorrow morning at exactly 7:30, I'll be standing on my mat and towel, butt & thighs squeezed tight with all 10 fingers intertwined under my chin, getting ready to BREATHE. Knowing my physical and mental self, relief with be instantaneous .... 

I can't wait.